What I’ve learned about the U.S. of A.

Keith and I recently drove to South Carolina so he could stand in a friend’s wedding. We drove via Baton Rouge to visit some other friends, then headed North through Atlanta, then Augusta, and finally to Florence. The return trip took us through Savannah, then Tallahassee, Mobile, and Houston.
A mere two weeks later, Jodi and I drove to Michigan so she could stand in a friend’s wedding. We drove via Dallas, Muskogee, St. Louis, South Chicago, and finally to Grand Rapids. During the trip, we visited Cadillac, and I drove up to Traverse City. The return trip took us through Detroit, Cincinnati, Louisville, Nashville, Memphis, and the backwoods of East Texas.
I’ve learned lots of stuff about the good old U.S. of A. on these trips. Here are some highlights and where I learned the item:

To South Carolina

• Something in the Southeast air prompted persistent humming of Duelling Banjos. (whole SC trip)
• Do not drive through Houston. Ever. (Houston)
• The hushpuppies really are better in Louisiana. (Baton Rouge)
• Gambling is only fun if you win. (Lake Charles, Baton Rouge)
• You can stay in a nice Extended Stay America in Northern Atlanta for only $22/night. (nice part of Northern Atlanta)
• The socioeconomic divide in America is similarly represented in Augusta and Detroit. A literal crossing of the street will take you from “I wish I had a bulletproof vest” to “Where’s my butler and the drink-cart girl with the Perrier?!?” (Augusta Country Club, Grosse Pointe)
• America has a deep, disturbing, infatuation with the band No Doubt. (everywhere, all the time, ugh)
• South Carolina frogs are suicidal. (the drive South to Savannah on highway 17)
• Savannah is gorgeous. (Savannah)

To Michigan

• If you plan to travel any distance on Interstate 35 in Texas, you can greatly improve your travel time by placing a small swirling yellow light atop your vehicle, which you will need if you plan to actually travel any distance on I35 in Texas. (I35 in Texas)
• Citizens who are proud to be from Muskogee probably have never left the city limits. (Muskogee)
• St. Louis is charming despite its size. (Downtown St. Louis, in the restaurant district under the arch)
• Do not drive through South Chicago. Ever. (South Chicago, Gary)
• Apparently, the kind folks in Michigan need vasectomy reversals too. (somewhere on a highway in Michigan, as stated by the billboard offering them with a guarantee from some doctor in Houston)
• Northern Michigan is gorgeous. They have these things called trees, which actually have leaves, are tall, not prickly, and don’t have a cloud of allergens hovering around them. (McBain)
• Small towns in Michigan are just like small Texas towns; you will always find at least one of each of the following: gas station, liquor store, and tractor dealership. (McBain)
• Nashvillians are starved for, but adept at recognizing, beautiful women. (Nashville, as indicated by a whistler in a passing car near our hotel)
• Arkansans lack creativity in naming their cities. Take for example Little Rock, Hot Springs, Texarkana, Arkadelphia. They’re either describing something they found there, or combining names of cities they’ve heard about. At least they have Hope. (Arkansas)
• Honda Accords fare pretty well on dirt roads, certain riders in their Honda Accords while on dirt roads might not fare so well. (somewhere North of Hot Springs)
• Texas accents are better than Michigan accents, even in a Texarkana Starbucks, which is kind of weird in its own special way; “howdy, cud I git a vanti cap-a-china from y’all?” (Texarkana)
• It’s nice to be home. (Jodi’s loving embrace.)